An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons ?’”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed ?
Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”
“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“Alright,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes ?”
Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons ?’”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed ?
Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”
“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“Alright,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes ?”
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
There is a mom and dad who live with their son.
The Father is obsessed with buying wierd items. One day he buys a lie detecting robot. The same day, his son comes home from school at about 6 in the evening.
The dad asks him "Son, where have you been?"
Son says "Oh me and some of the guys went to the library to study for a test."
The robot goes over to the son, slaps him out of the chair onto the floor.
Father says "Now son this is a lie detecting robot. Where did you really go after school?"
The son says"We went to Jimmy's house to watch a movie"
Father: "What movie?"
Son: "Snow White"
The robot goes over to the son, slaps him out of the chair onto the floor.
Son says "ok ok, we were watching Sex Raiders 5."
The Father is obsessed with buying wierd items. One day he buys a lie detecting robot. The same day, his son comes home from school at about 6 in the evening.
The dad asks him "Son, where have you been?"
Son says "Oh me and some of the guys went to the library to study for a test."
The robot goes over to the son, slaps him out of the chair onto the floor.
Father says "Now son this is a lie detecting robot. Where did you really go after school?"
The son says"We went to Jimmy's house to watch a movie"
Father: "What movie?"
Son: "Snow White"
The robot goes over to the son, slaps him out of the chair onto the floor.
Son says "ok ok, we were watching Sex Raiders 5."
- You can GET chocolate.
- “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
- Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
- You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
- You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
- You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
- If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.
- Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
- The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
- You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
- You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
- You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
- With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
- Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
- You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
- Good chocolate is easy to find.
- You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
- You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
- When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
- With chocolate size doesn’t matter.
